Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Snake Bit: Eric Devendouche

In honor of the NCAA tournament I figure I'd kick off my new segment "Snake Bit" with a verbal beat down of Syracuse guard and complete scumbag Eric Devendorf. You would think that the fourth best player on the team (fifth if that idiot Onuaku had any offensive game) would have a little more class and composure. Not Devendouche though. He has been broadcasting his classless ignorance since the 9th grade, when he got tired of the kids calling him Devendork, took off his glasses, got a tattoo on his neck and transferred to Oak Hill Academy.

He wasn't fooling anyone though. His wannabe thug life continued in college. Earlier this season, he got thrown out of school when he kicked a girl's car and then threw her to the ground. Somehow he was allowed back in. Later he was pulled over and given a ticket by the Syracuse Police. You think Gerry Mac ever got pulled over at Syracuse? No way.

Devendorf recently stamped his ticket in the Douchebag Hall of Fame when he hit a three vs. UConn after the buzzer thinking that he won the game. He jumped on the scorer's table and began celebrating while everyone looked at him in shock. It wasn't until the scorekeeper grabbed his foot and said, "The shot didn't count. Get the fuck off the table, you delinquent bastard." This will surely not be the end of his antics.

I can see the future for Devendouche.

Here's a short timeline:

March 2009- Arizona State beats Syracuse in the second round. Devendorf accuses team of being lazy. Cheerleader accuses Devendorf of date rape.

June 2009- Devendorf prematurely declares for the draft. He shows up to the green room without being invited, wearing his grill that he bought with an advance. Security asks him to leave. Then he pushes a girl to the ground and calls her a cunt. The commissioner asks, "Who is that guy?"

Three hours later- He gets pulled over with a gun and an empty bottle of Hennessey.

Two months later- Jim Boeheim pulls some strings and gets him a tryout with the Nuggets. Joking around he calls J.R. Smith the N word and gets punched in the mouth. Carmelo Anthony even kicks the Syracuse Alum in the kidney. Stephen A. Smith officially declares Devendorf a bust.

September 2009- Devendork signs a contract to play in Turkey. He is the sixth man and spends his off time traveling around Europe hoping to be confused with Paul Wall and K Fed.

2011- After two seasons in Turkey, Devendorf returns to the U.S. He's seen trying to get into Lebron James party with Dajuan Wagner. They get denied.

2012- He gets paid 500 dollars each time for submitting posts on fmylife.com

Congratulations Eric Devendorf. You just got Snake Bit.


  1. This is some funny ass shit but Devendorf is my dude! I love that thug. He brings it. And besides, you were like a tattoo and melee away from being Devendorf at HP....don't forget I remember the braids man.